ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
