you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
