My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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