Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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