happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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