Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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