That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im holly from the hills drunk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
