Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
