It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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