My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
