He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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