Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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