We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
