There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
