So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
