he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
