they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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