I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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