you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
