Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
