ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
