Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
