you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
