i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
