i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
