she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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