Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
