why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
