im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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