it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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