I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
