a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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