we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
