you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
