no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
