Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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