I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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