And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
