hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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