i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
