Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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