Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
