she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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