Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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