i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
