I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
