Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
