I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
