You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
