so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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