if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
