Your mouth is God's brothel.
too bad you live with your parents still
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
